Nutty red funeral pie

While planning the Pie Inaugural Ball, the Pie Cabinet celebrated the life of the great People's Revolution against constitutional and capitalist government with the Nutty Red Funeral Pie.

Funeral pies are a laudable Amish tradition that stems from the fact that raisins are almost always available in the back of a cabinet. They have no dairy products and so can be left on a shelf for hours while more important matters are handled. Ken Haedrich took this a step further and made one using Craisins, and the satiric opportunity was too good to pass up. This recipe is modified enough that I consider it worth posting.

Nutty Red Funeral Pie:

Crust: Whole wheat, double crust

Filling:
2 Cups Craisins
1 Cup orange juice
1/2 Cup sugar
3 T cornstarch
1/4 t ground cloves
1/4 t salt
1 Cup water
1 T unsalted butter
1 T lemon juice
1 Cup chopped pecans (preferably from a Texas Bag of Nuts, see below)

Glaze:
2T milk
1T sugar

(1) Roll out the bottom crust and get it into a 9" pan. Roll out the top crust and set it aside. Preheat the oven to 400F.

(2) In a medium sized (1.5quart) saucepan, combine Craisins and orange juice. Heat over a low flame and stir in the sugar, cornstarch, salt and cloves as the water warms. Bring to a boil and let boil for about 1min, then remove from heat. Stir in butter, then add lemon juice and pecans.

(3) Let the mix cool in a large bowl to the point it won't hurt to spash a little on yourself. Pour into the pie shell, cover with the top crust, and press around the edges with a fork. Cut off any overhang and glaze the top by brushing it with milk and sugar.

(4) Place in the oven and let cook for 40. Rotate as necessary to ensure even cooking.


Texas Bag of Nuts: For those who wonder where I got my sense of humor, my late grandfather was a major influence. He lived near Austin, Texas, and one year for Christmas he bought me a tanned bull scrotum which he intended to fill with pecans, that I might have a real "Texas Bag of Nuts." He died shortly thereafter, and as a memorial of sorts, I hung his gift, filled with nuts, over my desk.